There are a handful of blogs that I read on a regular basis. I sort of aspire to be as cool as these women, to have followed my dreams as much as they have, and to have as sweet of a blog as they do. One of those people is a lady named Emily who blogs over at www.chattingatthesky.com. This past week she wrote a letter to her teenage self that just rocked me. I don’t know her personally, but I just wept when I read what she had to say and was totally inspired to write my own. I know she just released a book, and I can’t wait to read it! Definitely check it out.
So here is a letter to me from a place with a little more wisdom under my belt…
dear fifteen year old me,
I first want to tell you that you are pretty dang special. Whether or not you feel like you are, you are more important than the calendar that you have to live according to, the money you feel like you cost your dad that your mom won’t pay back, the cute jeans from Abercrombie & Fitch that don’t seem to fit your rear end, the stupid trumpet-playing boy that took you to prom and then cracked your fragile little heart. You are more important than the pain that you hear in your dad’s voice when he comes home from taking care of your Pop-pop’s estate. You are way way more important than those stupid cuts you made on the inside of your elbow that you are praying no one sees.
No matter how hard these next few years might be, I promise you will end up okay. Because God hasn’t left you yet, and He never will. My main piece of advice to you would be to accept change gracefully. Quit getting so judgmental because you’re too scared to actually address the issues in your life.
And, Ali, those friends that you are so concerned with balancing and that jazz band you are so determined to make – they do matter, but not as much as you feel like they do right now. They make you more of who you will be, but it’s okay to not be so consumed with them. Why don’t you try out the choir? I promise you’ll end up loving it later and wish you had started at the beginning of freshman year. And quit thinking that piercings or weird hair colors will make you cooler. They just make the pictures later funny to look back on. And chill out about getting a car! The way that the Lord answers that prayer is going to rock your world – you will someday have some freedom in the midst of the divorce.
Ali, you are special. You are God’s daughter and He is not going to let you forget it, no matter what seems to cloud your view of Him. I know this whole “Christianity” thing still seems pretty new to you, but I promise it isn’t about being the cool kid at youth group forever and it’s definitely not an extracurricular that your dad won’t let you go to. Your relationship with God becomes the most important thing in your whole world someday. That relationship keeps you alive that one night less than a year from now when you are up late and you ask Him to give you one reason why you should stick around one more day. It takes you on so many adventures to places you can’t even imagine. That voice you think you hear but you’re not sure if you’re just schizophrenic… Don’t worry, I promise you’re not crazy. Listen to that voice – listen to that place where you feel like you’re not on the right track. Especially when you end up dating that boy you saw that one time in the band hall and end up giving him your whole heart without keeping anything back. But even though you end up making that decision, it does turn out okay in the long run. Keep seeking Him. He will always be faithful, and was faithful in seeking you out even before you decided to let Him love you last summer.
You are beautiful. And you should definitely start journaling consistently, no matter if you are afraid of rereading what you write later. Those words you’re about to write will be something that you treasure later, and journalling will be something that you love. Start hiking. And go snowboarding. You live in Colorado – take advantage of it! Try to call your stepsisters sometime. They aren’t the Cinderella-esque siblings you joke about, but actual sisters. Your family loves you, whether or not you think they do right now.
But most of all, Ali, know that you matter. That you are seen. That you are beautiful and it’s not what your outside looks like that makes you gorgeous. Your life is barely begun – remember there is so much more yet to come.
you are loved.